Shaky Premise of Ethan Hunt

I'm busy picking a lock to some snazzy hi-tech safe, the moonlight and lanterns sending sparse but ample illumination through the bathroom window. I am seated in the bathtub, the safe inexplicably installed at the head of it. (I have favoured this safe over the one situated above the toilet cistern).

As I use my excellent imagnery safe cracking skills a voice speaks nearby, behind me:

'You won't find the necklace there.'

Choosing to ignore the gentleman standing only inches from me, also in the bathtub, I continue with my attempted burglary.

'You need to bypass the secondary thing-a-me-jig before you attempt the wotsit.'

Again with the advice! I pretend not to listen but I follow his instruction.

The voices of approaching men erupt as the door is pushed open.

I am flipped onto my back, onto the floor of the bath, the gentleman behind now pressed upon my body, his weight pinning me down so we are hidden behind the conveniently high walls of the tub. His breath is hot, expelled directly into my face as we hear the men enter briefly before leaving, closing the door behind them. His dark eyes stare into mine.

We emerge from our hiding place. I take the opportunity to shake myself like a dog drying itself, keen to remove all traces of this stranger. I straighten my clothes.

'Well,' I say, 'it is a good job the security people entered at that point otherwise it would have been really creepy you pinning me down in a bathtub.'

'Yes,' says the man, 'thank god for unlikely premises that allow for casual violations of women's bodies.

'My name's Ethan by the way. Ethan Hunt.'

I giggle at his surname.

'I know you,' I say. 'You're that secret spy person.'

'That's right. I'm here to guard that necklace.'

'But you were just helping me steal it.'

'And I'm also here to listen to a secret message.'

Ethan lifts a pair of sunglasses off the window sill and puts them on.

'The secret message is hidden in a pair of ghastly looking shades?' I ask. 'What's the point in that?'

He ignores me, listening to the message.

'I mean,' I continue, 'Why isn't it just an earpiece? Why do you need to put on shades when it's night time?'

'Blah blah blah …' The message sounds into Ethan's ear. 'In five seconds this message will explode, taking your face with it.'

He throws the glasses out the window where they explode in the air, scaring the shit out of the party guests below and sending the building's security into a panic.

Over and out for now, guys!

xxx