10 Tips for Being an Avant-Garde Writer

As someone who purports, or even pretends, to be an artist, I feel I must at least make an effort to actually write about creative things. I have, and will continue, to try my hand at political writing, but it is all too sober a subject for me.

I think politics is important, sure, but I do so tire of reading other people's repetitive remarks about whatever flavour is currently bothering them. And, as I said, it is hardly the most creative type of writing. To make political writing anywhere near creative, one has to put far too much effort into it. There's little room for creativity, and since muggles are so perpetually confused by genuine creativity, creative political writing will have a small impact unless the points are laboured and easy to follow.

I think the prevailing barrier between me and other people is: most people don't get artists; and, as much as I despise artists, amongst artists is where I am most comfortable. Artists understand the rhetoric and the stupidity that muggles get so irked by.

I guess I love artists really.

I pretend to be a writer also so I have decided to write a little bit about writing. By the way, please don't judge my books by the quality of the writing on this blog; my books are far worse than this drivel.

As I trawl the back washes of the internet, I often stumble upon tips for writers and various lists of dos and don'ts; but one issue I have with these lists is that they all seem to assume you are aspiring to be a best-selling, popular-fiction kind of writer.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I often pretend to be an artist – a real artist that is – and real artists all know the true aim of self-expression is to aim to please oneself, not to please others. (Albeit in reality artists are just as much crowd-pleasers than anyone else).

If you want to be a best-selling author, then the advice (and the so-called advice) you can find online might be perfectly valuable to you; but if you are like me you are more concerned with self expression – and that does not necessarily mean your writing is impenetrable and difficult to read – being popular might not be of interest to you. You see, you might not actually give a shit what other people think – especially muggles – or you deliberately break so-called rules to suit your expressive needs.

I was reading some comments on a Facebook post about electoral reform. The headline of the article was 'More Votes but Less Seats', and quite a few pedants had engaged in an online intercourse simply to point out the apparent 'correct' grammar is 'More Votes but Fewer Seats'.

The problem for me is that 'More Votes but Less Seats' is a little more snappy and direct than the supposed correct version, yet none of the pedants realised this. If I was to write such a sentence, I'd probably go for the deigned incorrect version simply because it is a better sentence.

But it turned out the idiot author of the article then bowed down to pressure and changed the heading to fewer. I guess writing about electoral reform, he could only respect democratic consensus.

I do not purport to be an expert of the avant-garde, but I do try to be something along the lines of a self-pleasing creative, and I certainly am not trying to be the next Dan Brown. If you have a problem with anything I write, so much the better.

So here are my tips for aspiring avant-garde writers. These tips may or may not be of any use to anyone, but here they are all the same:

1 – Ignore all advice from everyone and please only yourself.
2 …

… And that's about it, really. That and try to be offensive to at least someone, somewhere (which, to be fair, isn't difficult at all). You can, of course, bear all advice in mind when you write. After all, writing books that are enjoyable to read is no terrible thing; but I think that main thing is to prioritise your intentions.

All advice is fine until it outstays its use.

Over and out!

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